Yesterday as I sat in front of my doctor going over test results and figuring out next steps, he asked me to remind him of what I do for a living. I said I was a health coach and he was surprised. He said something to the effect of, “Well you should know what to do then. You know all this, why are you acting like you don’t?” I realized at that point two things. 1. I continue to doubt myself and my ability.  It is easier for me to help others, but hard to see things clearly for myself because 2. I am not in tuned with or trusting my inner wisdom.

Too often, perhaps 98% of the time, we look to others for answers. When we are sick we turn to doctors, trusting their ability to get us better, but forgetting they don’t look at the big picture (luckily my doctor does, which is why I drive two hours to see him). We trust industry or worse, government guidelines to teach us how to eat and how to feed our children.   And we trust that corporations and government are looking out for our best interests, assuming they know what those are.

But yet, how many times do we consult ourselves? How many times do we sit in silence and tune into this amazing inner wisdom our God has graciously given to us? Christine Northrup, OBGYN, and leader in Women’s Health reminds us that “Our bodies direct us toward full personal expression by letting us know what feels good and “right” and what doesn’t. Illness is often a sign that we are somehow off track from our life’s purpose”[1].

Such was my case two years ago.

After many bouts of anger, chronic pain and inflammation, temper tantrums I could compare to a 3 year old (actually mine far surpassed my 3 year old), and stomach issues, I remember saying to my husband “I feel like something is controlling me. I feel like I am toxic!” My thoughts were toxic, plagued with negativity, doubt, anger, and rage. My skin was toxic, breaking out in redness, acne, rashes and itching. My words were toxic as I shamefully yelled at my kids and myself. I didn’t like who I had become, but I also didn’t know how I got there.

Until I found out….I was right. My inner guidance was speaking that day when I said something controlled me and I was toxic.

Indeed I was. I was controlled by parasites, bacteria and other yucky things living my in gut, affecting my emotions, hormones, thoughts, words, and feelings.  And I was certifiably toxic, filled with lead, aluminum, mercury and other nasty heavy metals!  Good heavens!

How did this happen?, I asked frustratingly. As a health coach, I know how to eat right, and this should not have happened to me. However, as a health coach, I tend to focus on food as the primary factor in health, but health is SO much more than what you eat, and this was a great reminder of that.  I have also come to believe the body holds on to the CRAP we accumulate in our lives until we are ready to purge it. Right before this all happened I purged a HUGE emotional burden from my life -one that kept me in a toxic emotional state of shame, guilt, anger and self-condemnation. There is no doubt this release and my subsequent illnesses are connected.

This brings me back to the present, as I work with my doctor to detox all these nasty things. I take my knowledge of food, using chlorella, cilantro, spirulina, etc. to detox the metals, take the supplements he recommends to allow my detox pathways to open, and I have started hot yoga to sweat it out.

But he indirectly reminded me yesterday that it was clear I was still not following my inner guidance, and that is a key point in healing. All I need to know is within me. It is hard to remain objective when you are the patient and the healer, but that is the case with all of us. You are the patient and the healer. You are the guide and the listener. It is up to you to heal your body. Doctors can only take you so far, but you have to go beyond what they say and learn about your body; tap into your wisdom; know what foods support you and which don’t. You are the one who has to decide whether you WANT to heal and if you WANT to change your habits, your ways, your programming.

Why am I sharing all this? Because I think it is important for you to know. And more so, I think it is important for me to SAY: To speak it out loud and put it out there. That is also part of healing. So thank you for listening.

This week I am going to tap into my inner wisdom and ask it to guide me.  I am going to tell my body it is okay to release these things it has been holding on to, and I am going to trust that the healing wisdom God has given me will be sparked and take control.


[1] – Reference above: See more at: